If you're in an abusive situation it's important to be careful when reading articles on the topic of domestic violence. Please be sure the computer or phone you are using is in a safe location and not being monitored by your partner. This link can help you learn ways your partner could monitor your computer: https://www.loveisrespect.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/LIR-Who_Spying-1.pdf.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The following lists five key things to know about domestic violence. The more people learn how prevalent domestic violence is, the less stigma there will be surrounding this issue and the more likely people will get help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline equips us with the knowledge that anyone can experience domestic violence - this issue is not limited to a certain socioeconomic status, gender, sexuality, religious background, age, or education level.
1.) Domestic Violence is more than just physical violence.
The term, "domestic violence," refers to more than just physical violence. Domestic violence applies to all of the following: physical abuse, emotional and verbal abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, digital abuse, and stalking. For further definitions and examples of abusive behaviors you may visit https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/.
There is so much stigma surrounding the very real danger of domestic violence and too often victims don't receive support from individuals who have a nuanced understanding of the dynamics that take place in abusive relationships. The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines abuse or domestic violence as, "a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship." Domestic violence goes by other names including: intimate partner violence, dating abuse, and relationship abuse. There are no instances in which a person deserves to be abused - ever. All forms of abusive behaviors are unhealthy and should be taken seriously.
2.) It's not safe to attend couples counseling if you're in an abusive relationship.
Did you know it’s not safe to attend couples counseling with your partner if you’re in an abusive relationship? This comes as a surprise to some people because there’s a common held belief that if you want your relationship to be healthy and lasting then you should invest in couples counseling together. While this can be true for relationships that are generally healthy and absent of the dangerous power dynamic found within abusive relationships, there are risks for those who attend couples counseling with an abusive partner. The presence of abuse in your relationship isn’t a relationship problem - it’s an unequal power structure problem. You may consider attending individual counseling for yourself. Individual counseling allows you to receive support for your own personal health and needs in the midst of a really difficult situation.
3.) You don't have to wait until you have an appointment with a counselor to talk to someone or get help.
If you think you’re involved in an abusive relationship and want help, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text “START” to 88788, or visit their website at https://www.thehotline.org for more information or to chat with an advocate.
You may also text LOVEIS to 22522, call 1-866-331-9474, or visit their website at https://www.loveisrespect.org/ for more information or to chat live with an advocate.
4.) It's especially important to practice internet safety when you're protecting yourself from an abusive partner.
If you're in an abusive relationship, it's important to be mindful of your safety. Your safety includes the digital spaces you spend time in. Be mindful to practice internet safety as your risks of danger with an abusive partner can be heightened from your browser history, intercepted emails, GPS tracking systems that can track your location from your car or phone, and personal information that can be accessed from sources like public court records or social media. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has more information on ways to practice internet safety here: https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/internet-safety/.
5.) It's important to have a safety plan if you are in an abusive relationship.
A safety plan is, an individualized and practical plan to increase your safety when you're experiencing abuse, getting ready to leave an abusive situation, or after you've left an abusive situation. This link will guide you to a step-by-step guide on how to create your own personal safety plan: https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/.
You don't have to do this alone. You can receive help from a highly trained advocate to prepare your individualized safety plan. This link has more information on this free service: https://www.thehotline.org/what-is-a-safety-plan/. You can contact an advocate from the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), by texting "START" to 88788, or you can chat live at https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/.
If you or someone you know is experiencing an abusive relationship, there is immediate help and resources. You are not alone. There is hope.
References
(2023). National Domestic Violence Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/ .
(2023). Types of abuse. Love is Respect. https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/.
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